Spiraling by Heather Keebaugh

trapped, trapped in the spiral

I see a group of friends playing laughing having fun

there’s an opening to join but the anxiety says shut yourself out

I listen to my fears, I keep myself an outsider, never failing but never trying

keep alone with my thoughts and my fears to fester, to spin, to sink

try to plug up the spiral, thoughts of progress, thoughts of growth, but they just sink
under the murky surface

chained, chained within the dark

and now I spin here unmovingly, stuck, ruminating, unable to break free

unable to change, unable to grow, unable to be the me I want to be

fear my ever present companion, telling me lies, stick with the pain you know

how can I fight when I’m drowning, how can I rise up when I’m ground down

fear in the driver’s seat, refusing to go anywhere, refusing to let me go stuck, stuck outside the light